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Neela’s Never Ending Chocolates

Neela Harper

My mother Neela loved her chocolates.  Russell Stover, mostly, though she’d never turn down a Whitman’s Sampler, while anything better was just too good to be eaten and only meant to be admired and sniffed, like the cap from her Chanel No. 5.  But her Russell Stover chocolates were her evening delight.  She always kept a box in the end table drawer, just within reach.  At the end of the night, after the dishes were done and she and my dad sat back in their chairs to watch the sitcoms, she’d open the drawer, set the box on the end table and eat two or three, like she was snatching little bites of luxury and couldn’t be more pleased with herself for the itty bitty sin.  Then one day, my dad got an idea.  Read More…

It’s Not So Funny

There’s nothing funny about not eating chocolate.  Despite my previous declaration that it’s quite alright to gain weight, at a certain point it goes from insight to insanity.  I’d finally reached that point last week when nothing I tried on fit me and I had to face the cold, hard truth – making chocolate means eating chocolate and eating chocolate every day is not a sustainable diet unless all other foods are taken away.  Unwilling to relinquish my carnivorous bounty of dead birds, sea life and doe-eyed farm animals, and even more unwilling to give up pasta, I had to reassess this chocolate thing and devise the perfect chocolate diet. Read More…

Can’t Beat the Competition

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Never leave a thirteen year old alone in the house; you’re liable to come home to find you’ve been put out of business before you even went into business.  At least that’s what happened to me when I told Mira I was heading up to the Farmer’s Market to pick up some nettles for dinner, kissed her and left alone with the chocolate.  After picking up a few organic edible weeds and some strange smelling oils made from cold-pressed exotic tree bark, I went back home, confident that my obedient daughter remained hypnotically glued to her computer where all good children belong.  Instead, I discovered an adolescent Martha Stewart boxing up a package of chocolate covered strawberries to fill a pre-order she’d promised her client she’d have ready by one.

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Going, Going, Gone

atomic bomb leads to trouble

The world is supposed to end today and I have no idea what to fix for supper, much less who to invite.  The prospect of having to prepare my last meal on earth is entirely too overwhelming.  All I can say is, just about the time Doomsday hits, no matter how grand the plans or big the roast I’ve marinated, I just know I’m  going to decide that we’d might as well order pizza.  Making chocolates is pretty much like that.  I sketch out half a dozen varieties in my head that I know I can whip out in an afternoon, and by the time the ganaches are made and the first couple of pounds of chocolate are tempered, I realize I need a bigger kitchen and another day to get it all done. Read More…

Chocolate Attacks Woman and Daughter, Neighbors Fear They Are Next

Chocolopolis Serious Chocolate Contest

I’d never entered a contest before, unless you count the lottery where all I’m judged on is my ability to select random numbers (a skill, by the way, I appear to be miserable at), but when I heard that my favorite chocolate boutique, Chocolopolis, was having its first Serious Chocolate Contest, I thought I’d try something daring and throw my bonbons into the hat to see what happened. Read More…

My Trip to Wonkaland

cocoa beans being roasted

When you start a blog about chocolate, all sorts of good things start to happen.  And one of those good things was the opportunity to get  private tour of a chocolate factory and an interview with Debra Music, VP of Sales and Marketing at Theo Chocolates.  Now if you’ve been reading this blog you know that anything requiring the ability to use technology, which is to say, demonstrating that I am an advanced primate and capable of using tools, is a challenge.  So I’m quite impressed with myself that I managed to record the interview (once my interview subject pointed out that my voice recorder was on pause), but less than impressed with all the blurry photos I took after reassuring her that I can use a camera.  Apparently, I remain a lower order of primate because I had it on the wrong setting all along.  But no matter.  I’m thrilled that I got the chance to tour Theo’s, interview Deb Music, and come home with a big bag of treats that made Halloween look like a rip off.

cocoa nibs at Theo Chocolates

The first part of my interview was posted on Foodista, but I’m going to reprint it here for your entertainment pleasure, while I finish up transcribing the interview, write up the next two parts, write a cookbook review, attend the Chocolopolis chocolate contest, make a box of chocolates to donate to a local charity, find a job and figure out what to make for dinner now that Mira’s turned to healthy eating habits and demands proper nutrition and a flesh-free meal each night.  Kids today . . .  At any rate, click here for Part One of my enteretaining interview with Deb Music of Theo Chocolates: Read More…

Kiss and Makeup

Chocolate facial mask

Do you remember Mira, my 13 year old daughter who takes the photographs (or not) for this site?  Me too.  In fact, just last week I got to thinking about my little girl and wondered what ever had happened to her.  You know how it goes when you lose touch with someone and life goes on and then something reminds you of them and you suddenly realize you haven’t seen them in ages?  Well it’s like that with teenagers.  One day they’re under foot and you’re kicking them out of the way, the next day you’re looking in the closets, behind the curtains, under the bed all the while mumbling to yourself, “I know they’re here somewhere, I saw them just the other day.” Read More…

Piece of My Heart

chocolate hearts

This has been one of those weeks when my brain hasn’t had the energy to flat line, much less articulate whole sentences. But now that the Royal Wedding has come and gone, Bin Laden’s been dumped in the ocean and heart-throb Justin Bieber finally has his own line of nail polish (the One Less Lonely Girl Collection no less), all I can think about is the stuff that hearts are made of. Read More…

Easter Bunny Blues

polycarbonate mold filled with chocolate

You’ve probably already forgotten about Easter.  Especially if you never gave it much thought in the first place.  But supposing you went all out, decked the house in five shades of pastel, filled vintage fish bowls full of hand-painted eggs and gourmet jelly beans, roasted an arm and leg of lamb, and then spent dessert bickering with beloved friends and family members over who does resurrection best, Jesus Christ or Zombies.  Let’s just say, maybe that was how it went for you this weekend, maybe not.  But now you’re back to work or back to being out of work and rising from the dead is just another good idea but you’re either too hung over or far too sober to think it’s going to happen.  That is, until you try your hand at making chocolates and realize that cocoa butter can be killed and miracles do happen.  Read More…

My Psycho Fan

Reader Beware:
The following blog post has nothing to do with chocolate, but some stories just can’t remain untold.
Income tax

Flikr pic by alancleaver2000

If taxes could be paid in chocolate, the IRS would be sitting fat and happy now and I would have had to build a chocolate factory, grind thirty-three tons of cacoa beans to a crunchy paste, and temper, mold and wrap and ship enough chocolates molded into the shape of dollar signs to sweeten a fifth of Congress (because let’s face it, four fifths of them are too far gone) just to make my payment.  At least that’s how it felt this last week, but now that the dreaded event is done and over with, I’m flat broke, jobless, and in serious need of chocolate.  But before I can get back in the kitchen to make my purple hearts (for having sacrificed my body and soul for our country by way of TurboTax), I must update you on the Behind-the-Blog scenes of The Chocolate Covered Kitchen. Read More…